You are worth it my friends.

You are worth the tears

worth these innocent years

You are worth it.

You are worth the pain , my friends.

because more time with you is another precious reward.

You are worth skipped classes

skipped days

missed appointments

and going out of my way

because it is you , my friends who have stood beside me

when my foundation was weak.

You stood me up when i have fallen down.

You build me up when a was sitting in the wreckage of my crumbled and rotten

spirit

hope

faith

and heart.

I’d throw it away for you my friends because you are worth it.

No degree

No paycheck

No anything is worth leaving you.

So, with you, my friend here I will stay

to see those eyes

those smiles

to feels those hands on my shoulder that have helped me up

more times than stars in the sky.

I will never abandon you my friends

if my heart can help it

because you are worth it.

People always say they understand.

But that’s a load of bullcrap.

Because you never understand what someone goes through,

UNTIL TOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT YOURSELF.

“I really fucking hate when all these bitchy girls whine about how guys only want to get in their pants. You hike up your skirts until your asses hang out, get the lowest cut shirts imaginable and cake on pounds of make up to look sexy. You don’t look sexy, you look desperate. Then you complain when guys stare at you or you say that guys are only looking for a good fuck. Let me tell you one fucking thing, any guy who tries to tap something that looks like it was raped by an orange crayon and like she’s only wearing a bandana for a shirt, is one of the bad guys. The good guys who want a relationship and love wouldn’t touch that with a pole, let alone his dick.”

Have you ever fallen in love, but knew they did not care? Have you ever felt like crying but you knew you’d get no where? Have you ever watched them walk away… not wanting them to go? And whispered ‘I Love You’ softly… not wanting them to know? You cried all night in misery and almost went insane. There’s nothing in this world that causes so much pain. If I could choose between life and death, I think I’d rather die. Love is fun, but hurts too much and the price you pay if high. So I say, don’t fall in love, you’ll be hurt before it’s through. You see my friend I ought to know, I fell in love with you.

Love.

Love, isn’t an emotion.

It’s an ability. An ability, that can come as fast as it went.

A fairy tale, a dream, a nightmare. Anything.

It can come in any shape, or form.

It’s breakable, but sometimes strong.

It’s what you make of it, that counts.

Love is when you care enough for someone, that you’re willing to put them, before yourself.

Love, is a vertical expression, of a horizontal wish.

Love, can mean so much.

But it can also mean so little. ♥

People will weave in and out of your life, taking parts of you with them, leaving behind a past memories or a broken road in their path. They were there just for a glimpse in your life, maybe to help you through a tough time, maybe to give you a tough time. Either way, whoever you meet, whoever they are or wherever they’ve been, they have some importance in your life. They have a meaning because they were meant to be there.
Some people don’t stay for very long. Your life is just a crossroad of their’s, in an instant their gone. They can just get up and leave without so much as a second thought, second glace or even just a single word. It’s frightening, it’s disappointing but more than anything, it’s confusing. When someone just walks out of your life, possibly for just a little while, maybe even forever.
It’s confusing because you plan, you always plan, your life and somehow, someone who swears they’d always be there, is in it. You’ve got your whole life planned out in front of you. They’re at your wedding when you get married at 27, they watch you give birth to your two kids, they’re there to watch them when you want some time to yourself. They’re there. They’re always there, through thick and thin. But that’s not how things always are, are they? No one stays. People have the tendency to leave when it’s convenient for them to. People leave. People always leave.
Sometimes there is no reason to why they leave. They just do. They don’t give you a reason. They don’t even say goodbye. They take all they have, head out and move on. Moving on. That’s the hardest part and it always will be. It’s heartbreaking.
I was young. I was naive. I believed everything that anyone said, praying that they’d be telling the truth. I knew they weren’t, but part of me wanted to believe in them so much, that their lies just became the truth. They promised to always be there, and I knew that was a lie, but I believed it. I believed it one hundred percent.
After a little while, I learned that I didn’t need anyone else in order to survive. I could do it on my own. No matter who walked through my life. No matter what happened. I was given this life because I was strong enough to live it. I learned that no one is going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise you. You just gotta suck it up, accept the way things are and move on. Move on. Move on.

Have you ever missed someone who was sitting right across from you? Where you look at them and you know that you are physically with them, but not emotionally or on any other level? They’re gone completely. Their eyes are faded, they don’t have the same color they used to. I remember, he looked right in my eyes and I stared back, not knowing what to do or what to say. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly and turned his head to look at something else. It was reassurance. Reassurance to tell me ‘I’m fine.’ He wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine. The world was spinning faster than I could breath, and I wanted it to all stop. I wanted to get off this ride.
I never expected much from him. I just expected him to be there for me. Like all friends should do. He was there most of the time, but on occasion the ‘love of his life’ came around and he was gone. Chasing after a dream we both knew would never come true. Not many girls ever caught his attention, but when they did, he was hooked and he was hooked damn good. They used him, they played him, they broke his spirit a couple times but when all was said and done, I stood by his side. When he fell down, I was always standing above him with an outstretched hand, waiting to help him back up. We both never had much luck with our love lives. He went after girls who would never appreciate the great guy he was and I dated a countless number of guys who did the same thing. We were stuck in the present, waiting for someone better to come along.
He started speaking to me, my hand still in his. I watched his lips move, but all I heard was silence. He looked down, then up at me. He was waiting for a response, I just nodded my head and looked away. Best Friends, I thought to myself, Best Friends.
That was the only reason I stood by him. He was an asshole most of the time, he was cocky and arrogant to everyone. But I always saw right through it. I saw past the front he always put up to look like he wasn’t sensitive like I knew he was. He’s overheard my closest girl friends make fun of him, which was the point I realized that I would never ignore what they say and not stand up for him. He listened to them, I never said a word but he glanced over the me and stared me down for a moment, just shook his head and went back to talking to a few guys. That look he gave me. It made me want to curl up into a ball and cry, it was a look of someone who’s been broken down so many times that everything gets to them, even if they don’t show it. I knew how wounded his pride was, people made fun of him all the time, so he had to be tough. He had to be strong, if not for himself, for everyone else. He wasn’t invincible, I never said he was. I never said I was either. But we both acted like we were fine every single day. We both put up the front that we were okay, even when nothing really was. ‘I can’t let the stupid things get to me.’ He told me. I live by that now.
We both have out problems. He has depression, I have trouble hearing.. He tried to kill himself before, he told me. He only told me because he said that he trusted me more than anyone else with this information. And even between the times that we were fighting, I never told a soul. 8th grade, he said. It was in 8th grade when he tried to. No one liked him, his teachers hated him and someone kept taking his work that he handed in and threw it away. No one believed him that he did everything. He said he was afraid, he didn’t understand why someone would do that. He thought it would be easier if he was no one’s problem. He took a bottle of pills and swallowed every last one. His mom and sister found him seizing on the bathroom floor. They pumped his stomach and he was okay. They finally treated him for the depression he knew he had in the first place. He was better. Everything sorted itself out, some way. Somehow. I never cried so hard when he told me. This kid, who seems so smart, so nice and so strong had a breaking point. He could’ve died that night. Where would his family be right now? Where would I be? Alone?
He stopped talking and let go of my hand. He stood from his chair and I just stared up at him. He wasn’t much taller than I was, but I felt so small at this moment. I felt so weak, like something took the wind right out of me. He gave me a soft smile and walked out the door. I watched the door swing shut, I could feel my body convulse, wanting to cry. But I didn’t. I had to be strong. For me, but more importantly, for him.
Maybe this is how it was meant to be. Maybe we were supposed to be there for each other for the most important and frightening years of our lives, then we go separate ways, always looking back. Looking for something. Looking for love. Looking for fun. Looking for each other.